Body & Talk Positivity Boudoir Shoot | Dallas Boudoir Photographer

“You’re putting on weight.”

“You’re so boney.”

“She’s not as thin as she used to be.”

“You’ve got no boobs.”

“Why are her thighs so big?”

“You’d look better with a bigger butt.”

“Why do you wear your hair like that?”

“Have you lost weight?”

“She’s filled out since having the baby.”

“Her skin is not looking too good.”

Every single women has experienced body shaming in their life. Either from the media, a random stranger, friend, coworker, family member, or from their own thoughts. We are taught from a young age that we are never good enough as we are. We can always look BETTER. We can be SEXIER. We can be THINNER. We can be HAPPIER. But how can we be happier if we are put into a loosing game?

The major flaw in all of this is we are never taught to love ourselves first. To cherish the one and only body we are given. If you don’t have self love then you can never truly be happy, feel beautiful, or love others. Self love is something you don’t just achieve over night. It is a constant battle for most people. It starts with talking to yourself in a positive way. Showing yourself some grace. Knowing that you are not perfect and that is ok. Cause guess what NO ONE IS PERFECT. 

And that is what makes women so beautiful. We are all different. We are all different sizes, we have different skin tone, our hair has different texture, we all have different health requirements. But what we all have in common is the we are more powerful together. When we love ourselves and each other we can change the way the world sees us. We do not need to conform to what the world may think is beautiful. We, as our natural selves, is beautiful.

After having my first baby and turning 30 all in one year during a global pandemic I found myself in a dark headspace. My body, priorities, and world were rapidly changing. I felt so overwhelmed and like I didn’t have much control. I started talking down to myself. Saying, “Ashley you aren’t doing your best.” “You should have lost the baby weight by now.” “Your skin is a wreck, why can’t you fix it?” “Why do all these women on Instagram look amazing during quarantine and you look like a hot mess?” The thoughts go on and on…

One day while I was holding my baby boy I thought if I can’t look into myself and see beauty then how am I supposed to tell him that he should love every part of himself. I can’t preach self love if I don’t practice it myself. I decided to make a change. Once I started doing my daily affirmations and reaching out to other women I realized how alone we can all feel. How we don’t feel like there is a space to truly BE YOURSELF. 

So I came up with this project. I wanted to give back to women cause we give so much of ourselves everyday and don’t always get love back in return. I wanted to make these women feel beautiful for a day, to remind them that they are ENOUGH. These 10 women volunteered to be apart of this project. All strangers to one another. All different sizes, skin tones, and life experiences. This created something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. The studio was full of so much joy. Everyone was talking, laughing, lifting one another up and supporting each other. Everyone showed such strength and vulnerability. I was blown away by these women and I hope you are too. They not only shared their bodies but their words. I hope you can relate to their personal journey with body and talk positivity. It’s and ever evolving journey and you cannot do it alone. These women are here for you and so are many others. We are STRONGER together. We are BEAUTIFUL together. We are AMAZING together.

Chua

I've never really struggled with the way my body had looked until after I had my little girl. She entered into my life unexpectedly and is the most wonderful gift I could ever receive. With that said, it also gave me postpartum depression for the longest time. I hated the way I looked and the way I felt emotionally and mentally. I was a mess, my body was disgusting to me and I didn't recognize myself. I got tired of how I felt and looked. I needed to find myself again and LOVE myself again. Being a first time mom, I had forgotten to put myself first and take care of my needs. I was too busy taking care of others that I lost sense of myself.

I finally honed in on finding my value, both mentally and physically. It wasn't easy seeking out to a professional because the stereotype is that all mothers should always be well put and have their shit together. However, I clearly didn't.

I started to take care of myself and my body. I started eating healthier and fueling my body with the nutrients and love it needed. From there, I became happier and I started to appreciate the new mentality I had for myself. I love my body even more than before and that is because I had put my mind and health first. My body isn't imperfect - I have physical scars, mini love handles, stretch marks and cellulite but with each flaw that I have, it shows me the beauty I have within myself. And for that, I'm okay with it and love every inch of my body.

Brianna

Love for my body did not come easy. In college I would look in the mirror and focus on every stretch mark or roll and it would consume me. I used to compare myself to everyone around me and it wasn’t until I got pregnant with my son that I began to fully realize how incredible my body actually is. Now when I look in the mirror my stretchmarks create a timeline of when I went through puberty and became aware of my body for the first time all the way to when I couldn’t see my toes because my belly growing a whole human. I have learned to be compassionate and patient with my body because it’s the only one I’m going to get and has the ability to do amazing things.

Lisa

When I found out I was chosen to be one of the women for Ashley’s body positivity talk and boudoir shoot I had a range of emotions. I was nervous, anxious, scared but most importantly grateful. Growing up I was always considered to be the “big girl” and was called all sorts of names and always felt awkward around the other girls because I wasn’t “thin” enough. I absolutely let what everyone around me would say impact what I felt about myself and it completely broke my self confidence. So I would definitely say my journey with body positivity has been anything but an easy road. I have learned over the years at all different stages of my life from being overweight to my thinnest back to being overweight that if you allow yourself to be flooded with anything but how you feel about yourself it’s hard to get into a positive mindset. I think for the first time in a long time where I am today I am the proudest I have ever been of my body because my body was the safest haven for the biggest blessing of my life, my son. My postpartum journey has been anything but an immediate bounce back nor glamorous. Some women bounce back immediately and some don’t but it doesn’t make you any less if you don’t. It’s okay and you will get where you want to be but you have to embrace yourself every step of the way. Even though my body is not perfect by any means and is a work in progress I feel beautiful.

Mallory

I have always struggled with my body image.  Looking back on pictures of myself throughout my twenties, I have been several different sizes. With getting older I have realized I want to prioritize my mental health and mental well-being because I believe they correlate with how I view myself and my body. At my heaviest, I remember feeling so sad and down on myself because I wasn’t seeing any changes with my body. I wasn’t seeing these changes because I was binge eating then feeling guilty about it. With feeling so down on myself, I decided I wanted to make a change in my diet and take control of my health. Once I started to make these changes, my mood became so much lighter and more positive. With this I’ve realized what I’m putting into my body really affects my mood and mental health. 

Recently, I have started working out consistently and eating healthy because I have realized that I feel good doing these things. Through this change in my behavior, I have noticed how strong and beautiful my body is at all sizes even when I felt the worst about myself. Obviously, I have my days where I pick at myself and think negative thoughts but have tried really hard to see the good in my body. This year, I have decided to give myself grace and be nicer to myself mentally and physically. I only want to do things that make me feel good, so if that means eating a #1 at whataburger or having chicken and asparagus, I want to do those things guilt free.   I have also realized that my body will change and eventually create life and I hope I can keep a positive mindset through all those changes.  My hope is that young women and older women read these testimonies and realize they are not alone and are beautiful and strong.

Brie

Growing up, there weren’t a lot of women that looked like me in my neighborhood, in school, or in popular media. My family was always told me I was strong, and beautiful which helped growing up, but of course I was still insecure. I don’t know how, but at a very young age I knew that I had to speak and think positively about myself, because I just wasn’t going to get that external validation outside of my family. I would say my journey with body positivity really began in high school, the first time I gained weight and my body changed. I still struggle, as I think most women do, with seeing my body change. But part of body positivity for me is reminding myself that my body was never going to stay the same forever. That’s an unrealistic expectation. And I have no idea how my body will change next. My body is different than my mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and no one else can be the standard against which I judge my body. I live an amazing life in this body, and I’m capable of doing so many things. I love the skin I’m in, even if I get judged for loving myself too much. The world becomes a better place every time someone falls in love with themselves, or at the very least decides to treat their thoughts and their bodies as friends rather than enemies. Body positivity is the foundation for my relationship with myself, and I really believe in the power of words. Speak kindly, rather than critically. Let go of unrealistic ideas of what your or any other body should be. Those changes in behavior can open so many doors.

Katie

For the longest time, I had a love/hate relationship with mirrors. From high school onward I sort of unraveled from someone who was completely confident in their own skin to someone who lost all self love in every sense. In my graduating year of high school I would say I hit my lowest point, telling my friends I was only allowed to eat 700 calories a day and falling into a cycle where I would go days with eating not enough and then days with eating too much. I was in a state where I constantly condemned myself for not looking the way I wanted, not losing weight. For most of college I was unhappy with myself, and it wasn’t until recently I started to realized more about the worth of my own skin. Just around the time I got my first tattoo, someone had told me “it’s important to love your body because it’s the only one you have, it’s your safe space, your temple, and it’s all yours” and that pushed me to really step back, get in tune with my body and my spirit, and start doing things a lot differently. I look at myself now, and I see something that is completely me. I love to express myself through growing and caring for plants, my life’s calling I think, and it’s through that where I see something grow, I bring life into it, and I love it for everything it is. Sometimes plants grow with scars or a little lopsided.. they are far from perfect. But how could I love them they way they were and not myself? My love for that allowed me to start to take a step back and look at myself and thank my BODY for being the vessel that allows me to do these things. Every stretch line, every beauty mark, every scar. These are all things that to me make my body a place for me to tell my story. To let myself evolve. I am a huge nature person. And when I look at the mountains, the canyons, the plants and trees, and even the smallest flower I feel connected because I too was made with a purpose, and just like the earth is my home to love and appreciate, so is my body.

Karlye

My body. I think as women, it’s easy to quickly compare ourselves to one another on social media and in real life. It’s a normal & natural reaction (if you do this, it’s okay, it happens) but it takes effort and acceptance within ourselves to not feel the need to compare. We are all different & in many ways all the same. The journey I’ve walked with my body has been high and low, but today I choose to find the highs more often. I continuously wonder if people understand how their words impact others - my whole life I’ve received comments from friends, family, people I don’t even know - “wow, you’re so skinny” or “put some meat on your bones”, “you’re really boney” & the body scan with their eyes is just the icing on the cake. You’ll never fully understand what someone is going through, their struggles, if they’re working towards a goal or how far away that goal feels to them. Yes, I am skinny, I’ve struggled with weight & I think about it a lot, it’s true. But I’ve taken action, positive & empowering action, I AM working on myself, my body & mind, to f e e l strong & love my body at it’s best, right here, right now. I’m not totally there yet, but I’m more there today than yesterday & because of that, I choose to l o o k in the mirror & love what I f e e l, because I’ve already come such a long way. These are raw experiences, raw feelings & raw memories - I’m hopeful that if you find connection to these words that you’ll know you aren’t alone & I encourage you to l o v e yourself more ... because you are your own *perfect*. It doesn’t matter what you l o o k like, it matters how you f e e l. As long as you f e e l good then you l o o k good. The sooner you erase the opinions of others, the more free you will f e e l. I pray you are f r e e.

Ashley

I used to weigh myself every day. I focused on losing/maintaining weight instead of being healthy; all of the cardio instead of a balance of cardio and strength; and focus on how my body looked instead of how it felt.

Sometime while I was pregnant with my daughter, I stopped weighing myself and stopped looking at the numbers on the scale at the doctors office.  I haven’t weighed myself or known my weight since. 

After growing a human and giving birth, I didn’t “bounce back.” I didn’t’ even recognize my body at all. However, I was able to see it’s power and strength, and I was proud.  My body changed and so did I.

Now, it’s difficult to imagine how hard I was on my body when looking at my daughter. How excited she is as she grows and how strong her muscles have become. She is truly a source on inspiration in feeling proud, strong, and empowered.

Rachael

A persons body positivity journey is sort of like a fingerprint: no two are the same. One thing we can all agree on, though, is that they ALL present challenges that we have to grow through to be the best versions of ourselves. I hope that through this experience and sharing my story, that it speaks to someone’s heart and what they are going through.

Growing up, I was athletic. On several sports teams at the same time, regularly. Working out once sometimes twice a day. I never had an issue with my body. It never occurred to me much if I had acne. I didn’t wear much makeup. I used to take my headgear on sleepovers bc I truly did not gaf. I was almost oblivious to my appearance. My body performed as I needed it to. I never had to think twice about what I ate because my body needed soooo much food just to function. I used to feel guilty/lucky watching as friends struggled so deeply to lose weight. I was content with my body just as it was. Then I found out I was growth hormone deficient, which meant giving myself shots each night. It also meant realizing that my body was not functioning like it should. I started to feel different from everyone around me, and not in a good way. Nevertheless, I persisted (which could be the summary of this entire piece).

Then my collegiate soccer career ended and in the midst of finding my new identity, I got pregnant. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy either. I had morning sickness almost immediately that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Most of the experience was overshadowed with a deep shame because my now husband and I were not married at the time. I was so sick that I was losing weight before I ever gained a pound. Then by the 3rdtrimester I reeeeeally started gaining it… It was like my body was making up for the lost food by nonstop eating. Now, not only was I not an athlete anymore, but I was in an entirely new body. This was more than a new identity, this was a new me ENTIRELY. After giving birth, I had about a year to get ‘back in shape’ for my wedding. The lack of energy, motivation and uneasiness of my mental health made that EXTREMELY challenging. The weight just didn’t come off and I grew frustrated and so so discouraged. My hair was falling out, my skin was so different, I had such an unrealistic expectation. I was trying desperately to go back to my pre-baby bod and it wasn’t happening. 

I’ll add that I isolated myself during this time. None of my friends or close family members had young kids or were pregnant. I leaned into moms I met on Instagram through mommy pages – otherwise complete strangers- which is where I learned that your body doesn’t ‘go back’ because it’s not supposed to! I learned that the body changes should be celebrated and are a miracle really. I’m forever grateful for this new perspective, but truly believe that maintaining it is an ongoing work. I have to convince myself of this some days. It’s not always pretty. Some days I make up excuses as to why I can’t go to the pool so I don’t have to be in a bathing suit. But what keeps me going is the love for my daughter. Whenever my insecurities creep in, I remind myself how grateful I am for the change that brought my greatest gift to me. I also realize that these insecurities tend to come when I have neglected my own aspirations and lacked self-care so I try to carve out some time to fill my cup.

I’m thrilled to be a part of this special moment in time that Ashley and the team have created. I have almost backed out of this shoot like 8 times already because I don’t feel worthy. I didn’t feel like I looked good in underwear, I wasn’t sure if my less attractive elements would ruin the pictures for everyone. But I appreciate Ashley keeping me encouraged throughout. Which brings me to my latest body-pos realization, how important it is to surround yourself with people who you feel safe enough around to share your vulnerabilities and then they choose love you through them.

In closing, this is how we trump the negativity: Gratitude, Self-Care, and Community.

Valerie

“You are too skinny!” “You look so small.” “Is that cellulite on your thighs? “Um, there’s no weight for you to lose.” “You look like a beaner.” “You have the ugliest feet I have ever seen.”

Throughout my life I’ve been on the receiving end of messages like these. The discomfort of living in my own body is a feeling I’ve been intimately familiar with throughout most of my life. For years I let the number I saw on a scale define me. I have felt less than. I have felt shame. I have felt defined by my insecurities. Like so many people, I have struggled with wanting to be “thin,” to be “perfect,” to be “lighter-skinned.”

 After months of working with a functional medicine doctor combined with therapy sessions, I finally learned that I didn’t need affirmations or approval from anyone. Since I started prioritizing my mental health as much as my physical health, I have noticed an improved difference in the way I feel about myself and my body. How I feel on the inside is much more important than how I look on the outside. I realized that if I continued to chase a lower number on the scale or approval from others, I would never feel happy or fulfilled. I have scars. I feel bloated various times throughout the week. I have cellulite. Sometimes I get eczema. I’m not always going to love everything about my body and that’s OK. There are some things I can’t change. Instead, I try to focus on the features that I do like about my body and the gradual changes and habits I can implement. 

 I have never felt more confident, strong, and empowered than I do in this moment. I am proud of my body – cellulite and all.  I no longer subscribe to the narrative that I must look a certain way for anyone other than for me. I appreciate and respect my body for what it can do. This body can walk, run, dance, lift weights, sleep, hike, and one day, I hope it will give birth to a child. This body helps me to live, and I owe it to myself to take care of it. I owe it to myself to show it grace, patience, and love. 

 Each of our journeys with body and talk positivity are different and unique. A “one size fits all” approach doesn’t exist. However, I think it’s important to remember that our bodies are capable of so much. Our bodies are not a reflection or determination of our self-worth. Body positivity means respecting all bodies and removing harmful words from our vocabularies. Body positivity means celebrating each other instead of making each other feel less-than. It means loving and respecting the body you are in today, no matter the size of your jeans, the shape of your face, the weight on the scale, or the color of your skin.